Yesterday I had the pleasure of seeing the documentary film America the Beautiful, courtesy, in part, of a great organization a friend and client of mine runs in SF, About Face. She describes it a lot better than I do, so you should just go to their website, but basically they promote media awareness and self esteem in teens. 

I spent part of the movie feeling guilty because I work at a magazine where images of women (and men!) get retouched—not to the point of perfection or impossibility, but certainly these altered shots don't look like the person actually did when the picture was taken. Before I saw the film, I had actually wondered if it would make me feel bad to be in the beauty industry now, too. It didn't, yet I wondered how to reconcile my own beliefs about beauty—that what's inside counts, but what you project matters, too—with the more rigid beauty concepts we learn in school (like what is the ideal width between the eyes... bet you didn't even know there was an ideal width!).

The movie is broad, and doesn't draw any strict conclusions. In fact, it's so overarching that one girl asked at the end if she could still wear makeup and be healthy. I assume she meant physically and emotionally, since the movie dealt with a everything from phthalates in nail polish to girls dying from bulimic binges. But people took her literally, pointing her to safer brands like Teens Turning Green. Of course, the emotional question is much harder to answer. Is it OK to want to be beautiful, to care how you look? Must we reject modern beauty ideals completely to be truly healthy? As my friends and I joked afterward, I'm not gonna give up my lip gloss. But there is always the question of how far you'll go, and how far you feel you need to go in this society, and how fair that is that you feel that way.

Playwright and activist Eve Ensler is interviewed in the film, and I loved every moment of her on screen, but my favorite part was when she talked about walking with a woman in Africa and asking her if she loved her body. The woman clearly thought it was a weird question, but when she asked it back to Ensler, Ensler had an answer all ready, about how she hated her stomach pouch. The woman pointed out two trees on the road and asked Eve to compare them. Was one prettier than the other? Of course they're both beautiful, they're trees... they're different, yes, but... She told Ensler, "I'm a tree. You're a tree. You've got to love your tree."

So I challenge you to do that. Whether you can't quit the gloss or must get your nails done every week, do it for you. Decorate your tree as you see fit. And love it all the way. (But please, ask for phthalate-free polish.)

I never thought yesterday would end. I got up at 5:15 to get to the test site in beautiful Fairfield by 7:30 for my written test. My fabulous friend, I'll call her Lisa, came with me to lend moral support. Plus we were meeting our good mutual friend, who was going to be my model for the practical exam. The three of us would have a nice lunch between my two tests.

Lisa ended up spending a lot of time at the Fairfield Peet's, by herself. When I got to the exam site at 7:30, I discovered I was 15 minutes early. The door cracked open at 7:45 and a very sweet young girl told all of us waiting that the computers were down and we'd take our test as soon as they were up again. She directed us to a dreary waiting room that was for "supporters" of test takers. The students from another school who were waiting to take their test were all in their whites. We Skyliners wore black.

About two hours, lots of togetherness-time with my classmates, and several crazy phone calls and texts from my car (you can't have phones, pens, and various other items anywhere near the test) later, I saw a couple of girls from the other school go into the written test site. I rushed to the door and discovered that only half the computers were up. Me and my Skyline mates were all assigned to computers on the other half of the room and, because of these computer problems, our names couldn't be transferred to the other side. Of course. We had until 10:15 for them to get the computers up and still have the two hours allotted to take our 110 question multiple choice test and leave us a lunch break before the practical start time... 1:15. If that didn't work out, she might be able to give us our test after the practical, if the computers were up. Otherwise... we'd have to reschedule for another day.

To my mind, this wasn't possible. School to me has not been over with the specter of this big exam hanging over my head. I knew there was nothing I could do, but on the other hand, I knew I must be done Tuesday, May 26. There was no other way.

I gave up at 10:12 and left. We did have our nice lunch and I got back to the test site as relaxed as possible to find out that yes, I could take the written after the practical. That was a relief. But, on a bathroom break, I happened to mention to one of the girls from the other school who had also been left out of the written how great the news was. She told me she'd actually gotten to take her written at 10:16 when the other side came up. Figures. All of us Skyliners had taken off by then.

So, after the sweat of the practical, there we were in front of computers plugging away on the written. It actually went really fast. But I look so deer in the headlights in my license photo, because they took it right before the written began. Yes, that's right, my license photo, cause I got one! Thank goodness Tuesday, May 26, was actually the day. I think if it hadn't been, I might have just given up. I'm so tired.

I've learned a lot over this last year and a half studying spa treatments and skin care. One of the things I wanted to know more about was ingredients... how are certain products formulated? What makes a product work, and how can you tell if it's worth what you're paying? And what makes a product good or bad for you? There's been a lot of press over the last few years, most largely through groups like the Environmental Working Group, which runs the well-known skindeep.org site that evaluates personal care products for their  toxicity. After reading their research and looking at product ingredients lists, I wondered if there was any way to bridge modern skin care and so-called "natural" products.

To that end, I'm posting this article from the UK's Daily Mail Online, which I read through a blog entry by the ladies at The Beauty Brains. The article is all about the drawbacks of natural products and how buying organic cosmetics might just be a rip-off.  

It says that natural ingredients aren't necessarily any safer than synthetic ones, citing dangerous examples from nature such as lead and deadly nightside. This is so true... We talk about it in class all the time: "Natural" is a bogus word to use to describe foods and personal care products. So is "chemical-free." I mean, even water is a chemical, right? In fact, in esthetics class, "organic" actually means what it does in college chem—anything that was once alive, and made of carbon. (Yes, we do study chemistry.)

The article also cites some natural ingredients that have been proven unsafe for certain users (like soy, which contains phytoestrogens), and one of the commenters mentions that her skin looked way worse since she switched to natural products. It's simply silly to use a product solely because it's natural. You have to do your research—or have someone help you do it!—and figure out what's best for your skin.

For example, I'm beginning to see that completely natural products don't seem to work for acne-prone skin... but remember that overall, acne is connected with inflammation, and there is growing evidence that the chemicals in our world, the overabundance of sugar and white flour in our diets, etc., are connected with inflammatory illnesses. (Note: I am writing all this while there is a half-drunk Diet Dr. Pepper sitting on my desk.)

That's why I can't wholeheartedly agree that the statement "natural is better" is bunk. Yes, "green" is often merely a marketing ploy, and, no, a natural product isn't always the best choice. But I personally feel there's already so much in this world that science has shown is toxic, and is everywhere. If you can't change required acts of every day life, like breathing, to avoid these pollutants, why wouldn't you want to reduce your exposure by altering what you do have control over—what you put on and in your body? (Please, don't write in about my Diet Dr. Pepper. I know, I know.)

So that's MY two cents. Remember that The Beauty Brains are actual cosmetic chemists and definitely know more than I do about what's in your everyday personal care products, so I suggest you read their blog entry, and the article, and make up your own mind. If you're with me, shoot me an emaill, because I'll soon be launching a business to help you find products that work for your skin type—and are "less toxic", shall we say?